Let Go of the Pursuit of Perfection

When starting something new—whether it's a habit, a skill, or a change—we should let go of our obsession with perfection and our desire to be exceptional from the beginning. Only then can we start more freely, learn more easily, progress more naturally, and sustain meaningful change over time.

Doing things with ease and joy is what keeps us going. That sense of enjoyment becomes the reward, and that reward becomes motivation. Persistence, not perfection, is what truly matters—whether it's learning something new, developing a skill, shaping a healthy body, or cultivating a noble and interesting soul. One relaxed and consistent effort is far more effective than one perfect performance.

This insight came from watching my child, Ruixu, doing his homework the other night.

He was practicing pinyin with great effort. When he made mistakes—especially repeated ones—his mother became visibly frustrated and started scolding him. The scolding was laced with criticism and threats, and even as an observer, I could feel the emotional impact. For a child, it was a form of psychological shock, not an exaggeration. Over time, such reactions can cause a child to associate learning with fear and anxiety, leading to disengagement. As they grow older, that fear may become defiance. They’ll resist you, not because you're wrong, but because they no longer want to follow your lead.

If we truly understand this dynamic, would we still resort to shouting, scolding, or even physical punishment?

A child’s heart is naturally curious, eager to explore, and unafraid to fail. They try again and again until they improve—something most adults have sadly lost. Every new skill comes with its moments of frustration and boredom, but those moments are necessary steps toward growth. As parents and teachers, our role is to understand and encourage—not to criticize or pressure.

Think about it: what seems effortless for us now, like reading Chinese characters or using pinyin, is something we've practiced for decades. Our children have only been learning it for a few short weeks. Expecting perfect performance from the start often reflects not their limitations, but our own impatience and unwillingness to invest the time they truly need.

And yet, even when confused or struggling, Ruixu never gave up. He kept trying to remember, to correct himself, and to do better. That kind of determination is already remarkable—honestly, it's a quality I don’t always see in myself.